guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
