You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
