My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
