Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
