I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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