remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
