It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
