he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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