I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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