He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize