I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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