Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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