I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
