I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
