i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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