We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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