Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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