Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
