is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
