I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
