just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
do nipples grow back?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
