If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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