I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
