He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
