last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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