It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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