i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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