Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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