I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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