how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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