She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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