ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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