She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
