I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
