I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
