WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
