I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
