So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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