He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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