so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
