I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
