she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
