I bet he comes in French.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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