hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
