I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
