Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
