We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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