Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
