She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
