see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
