There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
