That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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