I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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