At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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