I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All the doctor said was why
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
