I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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