I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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