i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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