So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
