omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
