my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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