in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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