My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
