I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
