She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
