You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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