there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
