See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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