I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
