Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
