let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
