pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
