He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
